Monica

My life took a dramatical change 1992-94

I was on my way to work as a social worker in Afrika, Mozambique. I lived in the countryside in the south of Dalarna in Sweden. I had lost my job as a school welfare officer because of a turbulent economical period in Sweden. I prepared for working in the capital of Maputo in the area of adoption.

Before I left I started to get problems with my eyes. They became very sensitive to light and I also became restless in my body. I thought I was nervous because of my coming trip to Mozambique. I told my doctor about my restlessness but in spite of that I got my health certificate.

At first I went to Portugal, Lisbon, to learn the Portuguese language and after that I went to Maputo. The restlessness increased gradually after I arrived to Afrika. I lost the control over my eyes. I got muscle spasm which I couldn´t control. I couldn´t sit still for more than a couple of minutes. After a while in Mozambique I consulted the doctor of the Swedish Embassy. She could not diagnose what was wrong. She also thought that it was my nerves playing me a trick. I tried to do my job and because of that I strained myself into maximum.  The problems increased.  I also started to lose control over my jaw and eating became difficult. I was biting myself in the tongue, cheek and teeth. The rest of the body also became affected. Now I had difficulties to see properly, my balance was poor, I could not keep my body still, my arms moved all the time. I had difficulties to write properly. Many of the movements that were automatic from childhood were affected. I tested foot zone therapy and acupuncture. Nothing helped.

I also lost my capacity to meditate. Still I did it. I only managed to sit in meditation for a couple of minutes in the beginning. Gradually I could meditate more minutes. Meditation gave me some release.

After one year the strain was finally too much for me. I decided to leave my mission in Maputo. I knew that something was really serious because I couldn´t heal myself with what I had learned as a health therapist. I have some healing skills but they did not work. I also realised that in this condition I was incapable of continuing to work in my profession.

During my time in Afrika

I had again started painting again.  I was shown the seed capsule of the rosewood and I started to paint on them. The rosewood is blossoming in October.

When I walked through a park on my way to my job the crowns of the huge trees were blue lilac as well as the ground beneath. Among the flowers there were the brown seed capsules about 6-7 x 5-8 cm. I did not have much to do as homework because I had a maid doing all of it. I used my leisure time painting about 100 small paintings on the capsules.  I also designed a few clothes which a tailor made for me. On the last day in Maputo I said to my Mozambican colleges that I am going home to become a designer. What I meant was to become an artist. I had been painting during many years before.

My doctor in Africa had finally understood that there might be something serious in my health situation. She sent me to a neurologist in Sweden when I returned. The doctor immediately realised that I had a neurological decease. I got a diagnose which did not cover my situation. There was no real help to get, only tranquilizers, which I did not accept. I got my correct diagnose only several years later. Dystonia – Meighs syndrom.

I was very ill when I returned home

I did not want anybody to see me because my appearance was terrible, I was shaky, restless full of cramps, especially in my face.  I had to sleep many times during the day to get some balance. As fast as I communicated with somebody or did something that made me tired I lost the little balance and energy I had. I isolated myself to be able to cope with the situation. Even thou I had the difficulties I went to town to by my food, I participated in curses, I sang in the choir.

When I was alone I could cope with myself. My worst difficulties were when I was together with people. I could paint in my loneliness and do artwork. I also managed to be in groups when I wasn’t the headperson. In the countryside I could ride a bicycle but in town totally impossible. In traffic I could not focus enough on riding and the surrounding. Through using the bice I restored a lot of my balance as well with yogic exercises.

When I returned to my village there was an art course in Vedic Art. My teacher Kurt Källman was a wise man. He understood my situation and supported me to become an artist. I followed his teaching under many years until his death. I soon got an identity as a respected artist, not only as a person who was ill and looked strange with all the cramps in the face and the body.

The first years were really hard. Soon after I returned home I was in an anthroposophical hospital for 4 weeks.  I could relax in the loving and caring surrounding. My healing started slowly. I have since then consulted several alternative practitioners and have gradually become stronger.

Most important has been Osteopathy

I used to get severe strain in my head because of what I was doing. I felt better for some time after a treatment. It did not solve the problem, it helped me to cope with my life. I am an intense person doing a lot of things which many times was, and still is, too much for my body.
I also consulted different kind of alternative health practitioners. I have been eating vitamins and minerals. All the B vitamins, B 12 and folic acid, Magnesia, all minerals and trace elements. Gradually I have been stronger.

Around 1980 I had learnt to improvise, to dance in a conscious way, called Essential Movement. It´s a free form of movement. The choreography is to focus into the whole body and follow the movements that coming up. It´s like meditation in movement. I loved that kind of movement but after some years with the illness I was so disillusioned because of all the difficulties. I was on my way to give up everything I used to love, painting, singing, dancing and learning new skills.

Because of my teacher in Vedic Art I dared to try new things. I resulted in a journey to India to my Spiritual teacher whom I had not seen for some years. On this trip the Swedish group got an interview with him. Immediately when we had entered into the interview room He pointed at me and told me to dance. I doubted in my mind.  He told me again that I had to dance. He also showed me that I had to go on with painting, singing and do all the things I used to love and to develop myself.

I understood I had to improvise dance again. I started to dance every day from that moment. I improvised to any kind of music. I became skilful to connect with my deeper self, my true movements. Somebody saw me dance through a window while I was in India and said that it looked beautiful.  That was the starting point for me to show my dance for other people.

I am meditating in movement

While dancing I am lifted up to another energy level. It gives happiness and good feelings. The body cramps are less during the dancing. Because of the dancing, I also improved my strength, flexibility, and balance. It motivates me also to do yoga, meditation and other exercises. In this way I have managed to keep the body strong.

Soon I met another Dance movement teacher. I went through the teachers training in Essential Motion. It deepened my dance skills.  I felt I came closer to my true self. I have also been teaching this kind of movement dance.

I saw a neurologist again after some years. I got my correct diagnose. After that I got Botox injections around the most affected parts as eyes, jaw and neck. This has helped me a lot. I got access to more of my natural energy. Still I am not totally well. But I participate in life more fully now.  I am 71 years old. I became ill when I was 47.  My life is inspiring and full of new challenges.

Since 1995 I regularly have had art exhibitions. I also perform, improvise dance in connection to my art shows. In this way I show my art from two angels.

I followed my spiritual teachers advise to dance

It has taken me to new inspiring places in life, and still does. I moved to Stockholm 2015. Here are more possibilities. I am learning salsa, bachata, tango and other kind of dances. I am doing the things I like. I feel the joy of learning new things.

I believe that any kind of dancing exercises can heal and help all kind of ailments in the body and mind.
You can watch on youtube a dance video with the name:   Monica Gorschelnik

Stockholm 2017

Monica Gorschelnik

monica@onlinekonst.se


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